We all feel stress from time to time, but when we experience prolonged stress it can have a significant, negative impact on our emotional, psychological and physical health. Signs of stress include irritability, burn out, intense emotions, fear based/worst case scenario thoughts and sometimes withdrawal, isolation and avoidance. This not only impacts on your own wellbeing, but can also negatively impact those around you.
Major life changes like bereavement, moving home, relationship problems and starting a new job are likely to increase your stress levels. Some people are feeling stressed currently, with news of needing to prepare for the risk of war, or power cuts and storms. These macro influences can affect our stress levels. Some people may have faced childhood adversity and felt stress throughout most of their lives and can fall into situations that feel familiar and stressful. For some peace and calm may feel strange initially.
Stress is a natural response to threats, so can be healthy at times. You can also experience physiological symptoms like shortness of breath or increased heart rate as the mind and body go into fight or flight. Once the nervous system is activated, it can quickly snowball into increased distress, as the mind locks onto any possible or perceived threat. This is when the mind can start to trigger unhealthy thinking patterns and cognitive distortions, which can keep people in a cycle of increasing stress levels.
When managing stress levels, you need to take a combined approach more often. Lifestyle balance is an important foundation which can help to decrease stress in general. Highly driven people can see stress as normal, or healthy, although some may rethink this once they start to experience burn out. Others may need to address relationship problems that might be triggering. Acceptance can sometimes help and realistic expectations. If you are going through a major life change, then increased stress is often a natural response. CBT tools can help manage unhelpful thinking patterns and break a stress cycle. Mindfulness is another important practice, as a way to avoid overthinking.
What else can we do?
Current research explores the power of activating your soothing system as a way to manage stress levels. According to research touch can help improve mental health and reduce stress. This makes sense when reflecting on how we sooth babies with touch, to help comfort, sooth and calm. We may hug those close to us, if we feel they need a little support in that moment. When someone hugs you, this can trigger a sense of soothing and safety. Both essential for wellbeing.
When did you last give and/or receive a hug?
Sometimes it may not be possible to enjoy a hug, maybe you dislike touch? Or maybe you are struggling with a period of isolation and have no one you can hug at the moment. That does not mean you have to miss out on the benefits of activating your soothing system and reducing cortisol levels. In fact, in these circumstances activating your soothing system may be less complicated as you don’t have a challenging relationship constantly triggering you and invading your personal space. You have full scope to create an undisturbed, soothing and nurturing space.
So how can we activate our soothing system?
I would advise you approach this from three perspectives:
Soothing actions/activities
Soothing lifestyle
Soothing mindset
Soothing activities may include bubble baths, wearing clothes that you feel most comfortable in, settling in your favourite chair with warm lighting and scents. One of my favourite soothing foods is home made potato and leek soup. If you have worked with me you have likely heard this already. It is very difficult to feel distress and soothed at the same time. If the distress is dominant, then creating a soothing space for yourself to process these difficult emotions will help. These soothing activities can become a soothing lifestyle.
I became aware that current global unrest started to increase my stress levels, so I took up a new hobby of pressure canning food. It is a mindful activity, creative and can trigger a sense of safety as you stock shelf stable food. I do not feel like an anxious prepper, I am simply finding my lifestyle balance has greatly improved, as preparing meals after working long hours has now become an easy task. The food is delicious, healthy, very soothing and quick to warm up straight from the shelf.
Some may turn to alcohol as a way to relax after a stressful week. This can give a sense of soothing initially, although alcohol is a depressent, so rather than balancing your emotions it is likely to do the opposite. Others may turn to comfort eating and these are examples of unhealthy coping mechanisms, as they can lead to extra stress. Another common coping mechanism is scrolling. This can be a form of distraction that can become addictive and upset your lifestyle balance.
No one is perfect, stress is inevitable at times and we can all fall into the trap of turning to unhealthy coping strategies. Awareness is the key and reflection, then small tweaks in the right direction can lead to positive changes over time.
Maybe give yourself a butterfly hug right now and see if you can sense the soothing response? All you do is cross your arms across your chest and gently pat your shoulders. Think of self compassion and self nurturing, as you give yourself a hug. Allow your mind and body to rest into calm and soothing, even if it is just for a moment.
What else can you try to activate your soothing system and regulate your emotions?
