You May Want To Change, But are You Ready To Change?
Feeling Stuck
Most people will access therapy because they are tired of feeling stuck in negative behaviours, feelings and emotions. So how can therapy help?
A therapist can't instantly fix everything. So, what can a therapist do to help?
Therapy is more of a journey into understanding yourself. It is a safe space, free from judgement where you can explore your strengths and weaknesses gaining empowering knowledge of self. Resistance to change can be better understood and shifts can start to happen, at a pace that is right for each person.
Often people come to therapy when they are struggling to function at their full potential. Others may be highly driven and need to learn how to place less pressure on themselves. Ultimately, people can discover how to find the right balance and develop realistic expectations of themselves and others. There may be some focus on anxiety management, or emotional regulation to achieve desired goals. Healing from painful life experiences may be required, so talking things through and understanding how experiences have impacted on you can help.
People will often feel stuck and struggling to help themselves, a therapist can help to identify and work through those blocks. There is no magic wand that can fix everything but reflecting on what you are doing to help and what you are doing that isn’t helping, enhances awareness as you take more accountability. If you act like your own worst enemy, you may stay feeling stuck but if you become your own best friend, you are on the journey back to finding your potential.
We can feel lost, empty and a constant sense of something is missing, when we lose part of self and move away from our potential. We see children full of potential before the world shows some of the harsh realities that we all face, it is not uncommon for some experiences to dull your shine, so to speak. Therapy helps you to tap back into that potential. Firstly, you may choose to work through feeling stuck, because staying stuck can become an illusion of a safe comfort zone, which may need addressing initially. If we are stuck, we are at risk of stagnating. If you are struggling to make small changes or engage with talking therapies, then it may be best to see your GP as there may be some underlying problems that need to be addressed firstly.
We Fear Our Own Greatness
Some people may doubt themselves to a point, where positive change can trigger anxieties. It may be a combination of fearing others may treat you differently if you change, or it might be the fear that you will fail. So, there may be internal and external blocks to reaching your full potential. Society sometimes discriminates people, so there may be wider macro influences that shape your beliefs around your identity.
The truth is that we all have good and bad traits and working on yourself gives you an opportunity to focus on your good traits and better manage any bad traits. Those who present as being good with no bad traits, may struggle to honestly reflect on themselves. Shadow work can be very rewarding and help people to gain full acceptance of who they truly are. No one is perfect and no person is all bad either. It is safe to explore your full potential and embrace the negative aspects of self and discover your good qualities. Often people predominantly focus on their negative qualities and this is what can lead some into therapy in the first place.
For those that have experienced negative treatments from others, there can be an underlying irrational fear that they will not be likable if they do explore their true self. We can all be likeable and even unlikable at times; it depends on how good our relationships are with ourselves and others. Avoid the trap of perfectionism, as that is one of the biggest triggers for anxiety and low self-worth. No one is perfect, and those who present as appearing ‘perfect’ are likely to have a lot of stress and anxiety in their life.
Bad behaviours do not mean a person is bad necessarily, we can choose better behaviours at any point in life and that will guide you towards your potential. Behaviour change sometimes needs to be achieved taking small steps. People in recovery are some of the most inspirational people. When the angel is battling the little devil on your shoulder, that can lead to a powerful shift.
Often a therapist will ask you to visualise your full potential, this can be the first step to making positive change.
The Essential Ingredient: Self-Compassion
If you have been struggling for a while, then hope may be damaged and your belief in yourself and others quite negative. Battling difficult emotions and fears daily, takes its toll on your nervous system. So, it can take some time to find the energy for change. Your therapist will have compassion and tailor the support to your needs, and this can lead to improving your own self-compassion. Being aware of your needs is so important, as often we can neglect our own needs and focus more on the needs of others. Allowing others to support you is another important step, because sometimes we do need help and support. Admitting this is a strength not a weakness and vulnerabilities make us more real and genuine, which can help improve our relationships in the long run.
If We Do What We Have Always Done, We Will Get What We Have Always Got.
We can’t manage the behaviours of others, but we can manage our own behaviours. Accept your resistance and be curious about it, try and understand it. Take some small steps, with lots of compassion. Face your thoughts, feelings and behaviours that you are unhappy with. Don’t soak them up as part of your identity, because if you change them then your concept of self will change. So, identity can shift and change.
Sometimes behaviour change needs to come first, before we can start to feel better i.e. (avoiding that exercise, but grateful you pushed yourself afterwards). Avoiding change and distracting from change can become addictive. Cut back screen time, avoid substances or comfort eating. Face your internal self, head on! Work on the parts of self you don’t like and embrace the parts of self that you do like. Therapy can help you to connect with the positive qualities that have been drown out by your own negative beliefs and experiences. Avoiding responsibility for improving the relationship with yourself, can lead to many years of struggles and difficulties. Working through and mastering your fears and insecurities can lead to a sense of living your life to the full, rather than existing and struggling. We are all equal, and being human is messy at times.
Some function from their potential and some fake it to look like they are functioning at their potential but can face many inner demons when alone and in private. Most of us will experience these issues and they can be improved. The first step is to explore and understand any resistance to change.
Our mind creates our reality, and our experiences can shape our beliefs about the world, ourselves and others. Someone who experiences rejection may be at risk of believing that they are not worthy, or not good enough, when the reality may be that they have experienced mean, cruel behaviours from others and that is not a reflection of them. The key is to control your own mind and reality and not let it be shaped by unhealthy people. You would not give your enemies your car keys and house keys to let themselves make full use of your personal space (hopefully), so try not to let these people control your mind and your life experiences.
We can be left with powerful emotions when we feel hurt or betrayed by others, but emotions are temporary and can heal. However, the body can keep a blueprint of those experiences which can be regularly triggered, this can give negative experiences much more power than they deserve. Self-awareness and reflection can help to manage these triggers, so they do not act as a barrier to you getting the most from this life.
You have one life, the same as every other person on the planet. Everyone has the right to live in their potential and take up their equal space in the world. Giving negative people or your own inner critic the power to steal that right will block your potential. Caring about yourself is vital.
Therapy is about developing a healthy relationship with your therapist, which can lead to a positive relationship with yourself. Therapists are not there to fix you; they are there to help you feel more empowered to fix yourself. This is the difference between empowering someone and disempowering. There may not be a magic wand or quick fix solution but the process of working on yourself with or without a therapist can be pretty magical.
